UVALDE, Texas — On the two-year mark of the shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, a fourth grade teacher is reflecting on the challenges from the second year.
She thought the first year would be the hardest, but she soon learned she was wrong.
KENS 5 first met Nicole Ogburn three days after the massacre at Robb Elementary.
May 24, 2022, Ogburn says she made eye contact with the man who shot and killed 19 children and 2 teachers across the hall. She and her kids got to the floor as bullets flew through her classroom window.
"I stood up and looked out my window that was right there close by. I was like, 'There's a guy with a gun. Oh my God, get down!'" Ogburn told us in an interview May 27, 2022.
The year following the tragedy moved fast, Ogburn said, with everyone checking in on each other all the time.
To her surprise, the second year has been the most difficult. She says she finally got time to breathe -- which allowed reality to sink in.
"Every once in a while, I feel it in my heart to just go by there," said Ogburn, looking at her former school right behind her. "It's still very fresh and real."
In the middle of a neighborhood once bustling with laughter and learning, 21 white crosses are surrounded by silence outside Robb Elementary School.
Many avoid the campus that's guarded by State Troopers and privacy fencing. Ogburn pulls over from time to time to reflect.
"I stop by the gate by where my classroom was, I get out of my car and just stare and pray and think to myself, 'Did this really happen?'" she said.
Ogburn continued teaching 4th grade and moved to Uvalde Elementary. She'll move a short distance away to Flores Elementary next school year.
When she visits Robb, she also seeks advice from trusted friends whose presence is deeply missed.
"I'll go and ask, 'Ok, Eva, what do I do? Irma, what do I do?'"
Her fellow teachers Eva Mireles and Irma Garcia, who died protecting their students, joined her for lunch almost every day.
"I feel closer to them sometimes if I come by and say, 'Hey, what do I do now? How do I handle this?'" Ogburn explained.
In April, Robb teachers were allowed back in their classrooms. Ogburn says it's the closure she needed.
"I walked that path of when I first saw him to when I told all the kids, 'Get down! Get down! Get down!'" she said. "I was literally right here when the shots were being fired."
Like most teachers, Ogburn creates special connections with her students every year.
But with the class from 2022, she says that bond is different.
"I had kids praying [during the shooting]. I had kids comforting each other trying to help each other out. I had a kid laying on me, trying to comfort me. We survived together. We were there for each other that day," Ogburn explained. "I see them around town a lot and they run up to me like, 'Mrs. Ogburn! Mrs. Ogburn!' They give me hugs."
As the end of school approaches, a time that traditionally brings excitement for students and teachers, Ogburn says anxiety tends to take over instead.
"Sometimes you remember those sounds, the smells, the screams or the silence," she explained. "I hear some type of noise that reminds me of that day and it sends me into a panic mode."
Ogburn is doing her best to continue to live her life as a teacher, mother and wife with wounds that she says may never heal.
"I've talked to people from Parkland and Sandy Hook and other places that have had these similar things happen," she said. "It's not that you get over it, you learn to live a new normal."
When Ogburn was in fifth grade, she attended Robb Elementary School. Since then, it's always had a piece of her heart.
She's hopeful the tragedy won't be forgotten. A good start, she believes, is the creation of a permanent memorial.
"I always told my kids, 'We're safe! We're safe! Everything's gonna be ok, we're safe at school. This is your safe place.' Those words don't come out of my mouth like they used to. Now it's, 'We're going to do our best to keep you safe here.'"