I love the transparency of young women at the age of 14.
There's something amazing about that age.
The teenage mind is not afraid to tell you what it thinks.
Recently, I sat with a group of young women who I mentor.
Always, I challenge them to talk openly about their hopes, their dreams, their fears and there's a lot.
Just when you think simply "trying to fit in" is the most important thing in their lives, you realize things go deep.
On this day, as I scanned the room, with a big smile, there seemed to be a palpable sadness in the room.
I began to ask why.
One young lady talked about her father leaving over the Christmas holidays to serve yet another tour of duty in Iraq.
It made her sad.
Another spoke of a brother who'd left home without warning to her parents.
It made her sad.
One particulary shy young lady, openly ranted about her Dad who'd left her mother to "find himself".
It made her sad.
What I noticed was a theme that's never been a part of this fun energetic bunch:
the impact on a woman, when someone, particularly a man leaves.
As women, we're taught from such a young age, to hold men in high regard.
Our fathers, our brothers, our male bosses , our boyfriends, our husbands.
They are the ones we believe to be our protectors, our defenders, and the keepers of our hearts.
As I listened to each girl tell her story, I could feel my eyes well with tears.
I too, had my own story.
I wanted to share it with them but couldn't.
Standing before them perfectly poised and wearing a smile, I knew very well, the pain when someone leaves.
Sure I want them to see my vulnerability, but as a mentor, there's a strength, that's expected.
There's a delicate balance in doling out your own pain.
How could I tell them that in the midst of their sad stories, I too, had suffered a loss so great, standing before them and speaking was miraculous.
Very recently, someone left my life abruptly, and left me with a lot of questions.
How could I offer them support with regards to "why" someone leaves, when in my own world, I didn't have my own answers.
What I saw in these girls faces was not only sadness but anger, and I understood it.
With the exception of war, and perhaps a job to provide for the family, when someone leaves it changes who you are.
Whether you want it to or not, it redefines who you "think" you are, and who you "thought" you were.
It makes you however, take inventory of your life.
What makes you stay in any situation? What makes you go?
What's worth it? What's not?
Think about the struggles of daily life:
When's the last time you walked away from your career, your family, or friends because the situation wasn't perfect?
It hardly happens.
To all women, I say this:
In this life, there will be loss.
But don't wear sadness like a coat.
If someone or something you thought was great left your life in 2009:
Let go...and go live.
Most importantly, reassess what love means in your life..whether it applies to a friendship you value, a lover you cherish, or a career you're passionate about.
This is what I know for sure:
"Love" fights for what it wants.
"Love" finds a way to stay.
"Love" says " this is tough, but no matter what, it's worth it, and I'm not leaving."
Love is patient, and it's kind, and it never leaves you or walks away.
Don't be afraid to live your life without a love you never had.
